How to Deal with Parents Who Are Angry, Troubled, Afraid, or Just Plain Crazy

Preface xiii My Definition of ``Crazy'' xv Who This Book Is For xvi Special Features of the Book xvii Overview of the Contents xvii Acknowledgments xviii About the Author xxi Why So Many Parents Are Angry, Troubled, Afraid, or Just Plain Crazy 1(22) The Parents of Today 3(3) Less Respectful of Authority 3(1) More Educated About Education 4(1) Angrier Than Ever 4(1) Cynical and Distrustful 5(1) Activists 5(1) Stressed 6(1) Worried and Fearful 6(1) What's Behind the Epidemic? 6(14) Reason 1: The World Is a Stressful Place 7(1) Reason 2: Educators Do Things That Upset Parents 8(1) Failure to Communicate 8(1) Circling the Wagons 9(1) Stonewalling and Spinelessness 10(1) Assumptions and Stereotypes 10(1) Defensiveness 10(1) Breaking Promises 11(1) Intimidation, Control, Power, and Blame 11(1) Condescension and Rudeness 11(1) Dishonesty 12(1) Political Correctness to the Max 12(1) Unwillingness to Admit Mistakes and Apologize 13(1) Failure to Give Parents Credit for Understanding Their Children 13(1) Lack of Respect for Parents and Children 14(1) Being Asked for Advice and Not Having It Taken 14(1) Unprofessionalism 14(1) Reason 3: Education and Educators Fail to Meet Parents' Expectations 14(1) Lack of Student Learning, Schoolwide or Districtwide 14(1) Lack of Learning or Behavior Problems Closer to Home 15(1) Erosion of Values 16(1) Lack of Qualified and Competent Teachers 16(1) Lack of Safety 17(1) Having to Settle for Poor Schools 17(1) Reason 4: Parents Have Personal Problems 18(1) Estranged, Separated, and Divorced Parents 18(1) School Groupies 19(1) Complainers, Troublemakers, and Whiners 20(1) Abusive Parents 20(1) Addicted, Dysfunctional, and Mentally Ill Parents 20(1) Summing Up and Looking Ahead 20(3) Defusing and Disarming Out-of-Control Parents 23(26) What Is Anger? 24(1) How to Deal With Parents Who Are Upset or Out of Control 25(1) Character Counts 25(1) Be trustworthy 25(1) Be honest 26(1) Be authentic 26(1) Be respectful 27(1) Be forgiving 27(1) The Best Ways to Respond to Angry Parents 27(2) Manage by walking around 29(1) Assume problems 29(1) Don't delegate 29(1) Welcome and accept 30(1) Say something nice 30(1) Self-neutralize 30(1) Attend 31(1) Listen 32(1) Be gentle 32(1) Read between the lines 33(1) Give ``wordless advice.'' 33(1) Convey serenity 34(1) Be a mirror 34(1) Backtrack 34(1) Open your mind 35(1) Don't react 35(1) Remain composed 36(1) Be assertive 36(1) Administer shock therapy 37(1) Take the A train 37(1) Apologize 38(1) Empathize 38(1) Welcome criticism 39(1) Consider cultural differences 39(1) End positively 40(1) Strategies for Dealing With Truly Troubled Parents 40(7) Estranged, Separated, and Divorced Parents 40(1) Parents on Power Trips 41(1) Bulldozers 41(1) Jackhammers 42(1) Dump trucks 43(1) Complainers 43(2) Abusive, Addictive, Violent, and Mentally Ill Parents 45(2) Using Your Encounters With Parents to Learn and Grow 47(1) Summing Up and Looking Ahead 48(1) Solving the Problems That Make Parents Angry, Troubled, Afraid, or Just Plain Crazy 49(24) The Pervasive Problems That Plague Us 50(3) Problems Identified by School Personnel 51(1) Problems Identified by Parents 52(1) Problems Identified by Students 52(1) Solving the Problems That Plague Us 53(14) Exploratory Strategies 54(1) Take your time 54(1) Ask questions 55(1) Open the option door 56(1) Undersell and overperform 57(1) Tell a story 57(1) Refuse to triangulate 58(1) Lower the boom lightly 58(1) Don't tell parents; show them 59(1) Don't fight 'em; join 'em 60(1) Focus on problems, not personalities 60(1) Action Strategies 60(1) Solve problems 60(4) Tell the truth in love 64(3) Behaviors That Can Sabotage Your Good Intentions 67(1) What to Do When Nothing Works 68(3) When to Stay 68(1) When to Leave 69(2) Summing Up and Looking Ahead 71(2) Creating and Nurturing a Healthy School 73(16) The ``Virulent Viruses'' 74(4) Clandestine Operations 75(1) Faultfinding and Blame 75(1) Backyard Gossip 76(1) Lies, Half-Truths, and Slander 76(1) Triangulation 77(1) The Friendly Enemy 77(1) The Dangerous Dozen 78(3) Paralysis 78(1) Diarrhea 78(1) Chronic Fatigue 78(1) Hypertension 79(1) Heart Failure 79(1) Lockjaw 79(1) Circulatory Collapse 79(1) Muscle and Tendon Inflammation 80(1) Irritable Bowel Syndrome 80(1) Calluses, Corns, and Bunions 80(1) Chicken Pox 80(1) Malnutrition 81(1) A Healthy School 81(4) Mission and Vision 83(1) Separate Yet Connected 83(1) Metanoia Rather Than Paranoia 83(1) Optimism Rather Than Pessimism 84(1) Cooperation Rather Than Competition 84(1) Zero Tolerance of Intolerance 84(1) Maturity and Growth 85(1) The Healthy Leader 85(1) Promoting and Maintaining a Healthy School 86(2) Steps to Take if Your School Is Sick 88(1) Summing Up and Looking Ahead 88(1) The Proactive Approach: Fifty-Plus Ways to Build Parental Support 89(14) Fifty-Plus Suggestions to Get You Started 90(11) Shared Decision Making 90(1) Survey Your Customers 90(1) Care Enough to Send the Very Best 91(1) Management by Walking Around 91(1) Think Ahead 91(1) Key Communicators 91(1) Advance Warning 91(1) A Key Decision-Making Tool 92(1) Single Parents 92(1) Breaking Up Is Hard to Do 92(1) Multicultural Outreach 92(1) Home Visits 93(1) Good News Travels Fast 93(1) The Welcome Wagon 93(1) Read All About It 93(1) Let's Party 93(1) Put Out the Welcome Mat 94(1) Open House 94(1) Curricular Expectations 94(1) Read to Me 94(1) Kudos to Volunteers 94(1) Teacher Training 94(1) The Night Shift 95(1) School-Business Partnerships 95(1) Phone Home 95(1) You've Got Mail 95(1) The Twenty-Four-Hour Policy 95(1) The Dog Ate It 96(1) Keyboard Capers 96(1) The Family That Learns Together 96(1) School-Community Partnerships 96(1) Parents as Learners 96(1) Career Days 97(1) Habla Espanol? 97(1) Speak to Me 97(1) The Cable Connection 97(1) Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is 97(1) Computer Literacy 97(1) Berlitz Comes to School 98(1) A Solid Foundation 98(1) What's the Score? 98(1) Can We Talk? 98(1) Preferred Parking 98(1) When I Want Your Advice, I'll Ask for It 98(1) Here's How to Handle a Problem 99(1) Plan Ahead 99(1) Rules of the Road 99(1) Talk to Me 99(1) Paid Parents 99(1) The Volunteer Army 100(1) Pop the Question 100(1) Reach Out and Touch Someone 100(1) Volunteer Together 100(1) What's in a Name? 101(1) A Penny for Your Thoughts 101(1) Summing Up and Looking Ahead 101(2) Conclusion 103(10) Give Parents What They Want 104(1) Be Proactive Rather Than Reactive 105(1) Build Relationships 106(1) Tend to Teaching 106(1) Don't Hit Your Ball Into the Seven Sand Traps 107(1) Deal With Yourself 108(1) Build a Well-Balanced Team 108(1) Don't Drive Parents Crazy! 108(1) Tell the Truth in Love 109(1) Address Small Problems Before They Get Bigger 109(4) References 113(6) Index 119(4) Facilitator's Guide 123(2) Who Should Use This Guide? 123(1) How Is the Guide Organized? 124(1) What Materials Are Needed? 124(1) Materials for Facilitators 124(1) Materials for Participants 125(1) Study Modules 125 Module 1: Introduction 125(7) Module 2: Chapter 1. Why So Many Parents Are Angry, Troubled, Afraid, or Just Plain Crazy 132(4) Module 3: Chapter 2. Defusing and Disarming Out-of-Control Parents 136(4) Module 4: Chapter 3. Solving the Problems That Make Parents Mad 140(4) Module 5: Chapter 4. Promoting a Healthy School 144(19) Module 6: Chapter 5. Fifty-Plus Ways to Be Proactive 163(3) Module 7: Conclusion 166